Well it's 440 am as I sit down to write this. I am sitting on the floor watching my son be wide awake, playing on his mat swatting at a multicolored giraffe and getting pretty darned excited about it. He is making all sorts of cute noises and kicking his feet like crazy.
These past couple weeks have been so busy, full of lots of changes. I went back to school at the end of February. That was and probably still is the hardest thing I've ever done. I was a total wreck in tears trying to tell him goodbye that first morning. Subsequent mornings have been a toss up - some mornings I feel okay and at peace with all of it, and other mornings I am so resentful of school and all that is keeping me away from my Max.
I don't even know where to start with Max, He is getting SO big so fast. He is so adorable and is more and more alert every day. It seems like he is beginning to recognize our faces even more and just likes to stare at you. I have got him to smile a couple times but then when I get excited about it I think I scare his smile away and he looks at me like I have lost my mind. He likes bath time and we have had quite a few of those - mostly post diaper incidents in which a bath seems like the easiest way to clean him up.
Matt and I have been pooped and peed on and spit up on enough so that it doesn't really bother us at all anymore - okay I speak for myself there because Matt still gets pretty grossed out. While I have been at school and Matt at work Grandma BeBe and Grandpa have been coming over every day to watch Max. They have really been enjoying all the extra time with him. Mom has been such a help around the house doing our shopping and cleaning and cooking and laundry. And grandpa just enjoys every second he gets with Max. He is so good with him and you can just see in his eyes how happy it makes him to be able to do this for us.
Max is being cute right now - he sounds like he's hyperventilating he's so excited about the giraffe! I just turned the music back on and he got quiet all of a sudden and then got really excited about that! I love being Max's mom. I just cherish every little moment I get with him. I still find myself watching him sleep, listening to cute noises and watching the cute faces he makes when he dreams (he often gets a case of the giggles in his dreams that is nothing short of ADORABLE!).
I just wish I could have more time with him - there could never be enough. I absolutely hate hate hate being away from him and while I am at school my new goal is 2 things - pump enough milk for him to eat while I am away and HURRY UP and get back home!
I stopped carpooling in order to get to leave a little bit more according to my own schedule - which even though it's been expensive to park every day has been worth all the extra time I have gotten with him in the afternoons and early evenings. I can't tell you how smitten I am over this little boy. He is the love of my life! Matt has already told me he is jealous. I just can't help it I just want to love him and take care of his every need. He is completely relying on us to take care of him and that is such an awesome responsibility. I pray over him all the time, just thanking the good Lord for blessing me so much. I feel so blessed to have him - you know you could never feel worthy of such a gift as this. The gift of a child to love and to love me back - he's happy and healthy and I could never deserve him -but I am grateful for him - OH SO grateful for my Maxwell. He is the light of my life.
Thank you Lord for blessing me so - a wonderful marriage and a beautiful child. I have to go for now - Max is starting to fuss. Love you all -
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