Well, it has been two weeks now that I have had the wonderful pleasure of experiencing motherhood. I don't really have words to try to describe how fantastic it really feels.It gets me all emotional, like that's anything new.
My son is perfect. He is beautiful and his personality is beginning to come out a little more every day. He seems so mellow and laid back (as long as I keep him fed that is!)
Matt and I got to enjoy last week together as a family - it was so great and we have enjoyed so many precious moments. Giving Max his first bath and he peed (live on camera!) and getting peed, pooped, and spit up on - it's amazing how it doesn't even gross me out a little bit at all! I feel like I have so much to say but not sure even where to start.
I decided I wanted to breastfeed Max from the very beginning - and man was that a challenge for us! We have been getting better every day and although there was quite a bit of pain and even some tears of pain and frustration shed - I didn't give up. It is truly getting easier every day. I had help from a lactation consultant earlier this week and that made a world of difference. Max is such a happy and healthy baby - you can tell he is being well fed and is so happy after he eats he gets what Matt and I termed his "drunken sailor" look because he truly looks drunk and just passes out.
The nights haven't been TOO horrible. Max doesn't really cry that much unless you really make him mad or he's really hungry. At night he doesn't wake me up by screaming, just fusses and talks to me and makes little noises until I get up and give him his pacifier, or hold him and feed him. He likes to be held and we have a lot of late night "dates" as I call them because Max seems to still have his days and nights confused - though it isn't too bad some nights - he likes to wake up and eat and then just stays awake looking at you and looking around the room. It's like he just wants to hang out and not go to sleep.
I can't complain though - this is some of my favorite time with him when its just him and me. I haven't really made Matt get up at all during the nights except the first couple of nights we had. He can't really do anything since he can't feed him so I just let him sleep. This may change when school starts though.
Speaking of school, this is definitely a sore subject for me. I am truly dreading going back to school. I will have only had 3 weeks off with him and it just doesn't seem like enough - but then again I don't know how much time could ever feel like enough. I feel like I just want to hold him and not let him go and soak up every possible second I get with him for fear of taking any of it for granted. I just am so head over heels in love with him and can't even bear the thought of having to kiss him goodbye and leave him for such a long time.
I know pursuing my education is something I chose and it is a career I still do want, I just wish I didn't have to sacrifice this special time with Max to do it. It just plain sucks and there isn't any other way to deal with it. I am going to be a total wreck when I leave him - I get teared up and emotional just thinking about it. But, I know I am choosing this career so I can help provide for him, provide for my family and make him have a good life. I am so scared I am going to miss stuff. Having to leave early in the morning and not getting home till 6 in the evening doesn't give me much time with him at all. I am dreading all his milestones that someone else might get to see before me - his first smile, laugh and giggle, rolling over, and later his first word, his first steps.... That makes me just wretch inside to think that I might miss those things.
I am doing this for him though, and I know later on he will never have known the difference and he will be better because of all I am doing. I have to remind myself of that. For now I have only 6 more days to just treasure every precious moment before I have to go back to school. I don't know how I will manage but hopefully the Lord will provide me with the strength to get through it.
I just love being a mom. I think I was just made for this and I just can't believe Matt and I get to be so lucky to have him. He's so perfect and I just know there's no possible way we could ever be deserving of such a precious gift - just blessed to have him in our lives. I don't want him to grow up yet! I don't want him to get big! I don't even want to think about that!!
We got photos taken of Max last week at Penny's and as soon as we get them back next week I will post them on the photo site.
In case you need the link it is http://maxvincentputonti.shutterfly.com/
I feel like I still have more to share - all the cute things he does. He has a very strong neck and is able to move around alot better than I expected him to be able to. He is so cute when he is hungry and just makes noises with his open mouth looking for food. Matt always hands him to me when he starts eying his chest and tells him "sorry bud I can't help you with that!" Max loves to sleep on his Daddy's chest and just curls up his long legs underneath him and looks like a little turtle. He is also quite a kicker - which makes since from all that kicking in the womb. And he always has to have his hands by his face, while he sleeps, eats, or does anything there go his hands. Most babies love being swaddled. Not Max. He screams until he gets his hands out and then it's like he's so happy. After his hands are free he kicks and kicks until he gets that blanket off of his legs!!
Grandpa has been here this week with me helping around the house and just offering an extra hand so I can do some other things. But I have to say I still have to steal my son away just so I get to hold him and I just love to just watch him sleep and listen to the little noises he makes and smell him. Oh my goodness he smells fantastic. I just love this motherhood thing. I'm definitely gonna be having more kiddos because this has been TRULY the BEST most AMAZING thing that has EVER happened to me. It makes everything else in life seem so inconsequential, trivial, not worth stressing out over. He is so perfect. God has truly blessed me with this amazing new family. I remember when Max was born and I was just so emotional crying and so happy and Matt was standing by me and I just kept thinking WE are a family now. We are our own family. How amazing.
I love you all and hope you enjoy the photos!!
Max says hello! I will stop jabbering on because I know I probably wrote too much already!
No comments:
Post a Comment